We talk a lot about whether you respect and trust your manager. You may respect the position but because you don’t trust the person, you don’t behave as if you respect him. When there is a lack of a show of respect by the worker, trust from the manager further declines as well as respect toward the worker.

The same is true for the manager’s employees. The manager may respect the need for the worker and the worker’s skill, but if the worker isn’t trustworthy, the manager is not likely to give the show of respect the worker desires. Thus, the worker tends to distrust the manager.

This is a downward spiraling situation. A lack of a show of respect on either side can destroy trust in the other party. Now, I am not suggesting that we give lip service to this by “sucking up” and pretending we respect someone who is untrustworthy. I am simply saying that you have to give it to get it. When you treat others with courtesy and respect, they are more likely to treat you the same. When you act in a manner that considers others’ positions, they tend to do the same. When you care about the contribution of others, they tend to care about yours. It is the yin and yang. It is the balance of power that each person holds over the situation.

So, tomorrow morning, why not start fresh? Treat everyone you meet with the utmost respect. Act like they are smart, caring, hard-working, and worthy of your time. Try it for a few days and let me know what kind of response you get.

How many times have we heard politicians, sports figures, executives, and others vehemently deny something that has come out in the media, only to confess meekly that it is true some time later. Whatever happened to integrity? Whatever happened to owning up to what you did and taking your lumps? It always seemed to me that the punishment was never nearly as bad as the anticipation of it was. People are pretty forgiving, they just don’t like lying.

How many times have we heard people come right out and say the truth even if it is hard to hear? Not very often. It’s no wonder that trust is so difficult to cultivate in the workplace. Employees fear they are being lied to and wait to see if what managers say is really true. They watch not only what you say but what you do. If you want employees to engage and contribute honestly to your workplace, be honest. Be consistently truthful even when it’s hard. The result is strength, loyalty and caring–the results of integrity.

When I heard this quote recently while watching the movie, The Polar Express, it hit me how often we fail to get on board in life, in leadership, in commitment to being the best we can be. We often run alongside the train or watch from a far hill, but don’t step up to get on.

What’s keeping you from being the best leader you can be? Is it time? Is it knowledge? Or, is it just old habits that are hard to change?

Frankly, I have found as a manager that it takes less time to lead people to do the right things than to have to correct and push them constantly to do it. Once my staff knew the standards I expected them to achieve, they went after them because they knew I would be watching for them and reward them when they did. People are constantly looking for that ray of sunshine from their bosses but they rarely get it. They usually only get the pushing and shoving when they do something wrong. And, you know, it’s a lot more fun to work in a positive atmosphere than one where the only communication is punishment.

If you don’t think you have the knowledge to be the best leader you can be, that’s easy to fix. There are tons of books on leadership or seminars to attend. And if you don’t have time for that, get books on audiotape or CD. Listen to them on your way to work in your car. It is amazing how much you can absorb just while driving around town. I have had subscriptions to book summaries on tape, which are a pretty good idea to get the basic ideas from the latest books. Then if you want the whole book, you can go buy it or get it from the library.

If you are finding it hard to change old habits, you are in good company. I have found that this is the biggest stumbling block for most people. You manage in ways that you have learned from watching others and what you think works in your workplace. You do it automatically without thinking. To do something different would require you to stop and analyze the situation and then decide how to approach it in the most effective way. You might say things differently or react differently. Often these behaviors seem strange when you first do them and you are afraid that you might look silly or less than competent. Since as leaders we want to look competent, we avoid doing things that make us look incompetent. So, even when you learn a new technique, if it doesn’t work right the first time, you go back to the old way—even though that doesn’t work either. It’s just more comfortable.

However, if you will make the commitment to take the time to learn some new techniques and practice them daily, you will soon discover the real payoff to leadership vs. management. You will build a greater rapport and trust with your employees and more job satisfaction. The measure of your employees’ work is in the results they achieve. The measure of your work as a leader is in helping them achieve it consistently and flawlessly.

“Sometimes the things in this world that are the most real are the things you can’t see.” This quote from The Polar Express summarizes the effort it takes to make the commitment to leadership. You may not notice the subtle changes in your leadership effectiveness from your commitment, but they become more real the longer you do them. And one day, you will look back and say you are thankful you decided to get onboard.

It is so true that trust takes time. You can’t rush it and you can’t legislate it. You have to experience it. People get it by being with each other and judging each others’ actions. Unfortunately, we don’t always have a lot of time in everyday work to intentionally work on our team trust, so we make our judgments from the everyday interactions we have with each other. I am always reminded about how important each interaction is in building a solid foundation of trust. It is our cushion when things get tough.