Vicki Anderson

Who’s got your back? Who’s holding your hand as you walk a new path? Who is challenging you to go where you are afraid to go by yourself? Who is your Bob or Jillian? As a consultant and coach, I am a support to my clients who want to discuss ideas, I provide feedback, and I support them as they try new things. I sometimes teach when they want or need new information.

While I don’t scream at my clients like Bob and Jillian do on “Biggest Loser” I do help my clients pull back the screen and be honest with themselves. So often we want to be different. We want to try something new, but we have deluded ourselves with our own story so long that we believe it is the only truth for us. Sometimes having an outside person can help you get perspective.

This morning as I was doing exercises on my Wii Fit I tried a couple new exercises that I couldn’t do very well. What I like about the Wii is that it gives you some feedback. It’s not always that accurate if you aren’t really trying because it can only measure certain movement. However, it does give you a sense of your fitness level if you are doing it right. And, you can do it in the privacy of your home without being embarrassed.

The feedback is the biggest part of support, I think, because having someone or something outside yourself give you a reality check helps you move toward your goal. It provides accountability. If you are really trying to make changes, you need some kind of support. Ask a friend, a colleague, a family member, or an outside expert to meet with you regularly to discuss your progress and your practice. Keep track by writing it down. Document what you did to get you where you are and what you plan to do next. Before you know it, you’ll arrive at your goal and you’ll have someone to celebrate with.

Many people who are trying to make lifestyle changes get coaches. There are coaches for weight loss, smoking cessation, alcohol and drug addiction, and all kinds of skill training. It is a proven fact that if you have someone to support you with positive reinforcement or to help you stay motivated, you are more likely to make the changes long lasting.

This concept is also true for leadership skills. Many people have started using coaches to help them discuss their approaches to leading and help them learn through their immediate situations. However, I don’t think there is enough emphasis on support for changing behavior.

I was talking to a client the other day and suggested that she state in front of her staff that she is trying to be a better manager. She should say that she realizes that the way she has behaved in the past has been sometimes inappropriate and she plans to change that. She should ask for their help and support while she learns to be a better manager. People could gently let her know if she was falling off the wagon or they could give her kudos when she seems to be doing it right.

The benefit of doing this is not only support for the manager, but it makes the staff look at the manager differently and perhaps judge with different criteria. Many times people try to change, but others still view them with the same eyes, so they never get the benefit of others seeing the change. Trust is built on the behaviors we see, not the behaviors we say we will do. Therefore, if you want someone to believe you are trying to be better, you have to do things they will see. However, if they aren’t looking for it, they still might not see it.

What do you think? Does this make a person seem strong or weak to do this? To me, it is no different from the alcoholic who stands up and and says “I’m an alcoholic and I need your help.” It is owning the problem and showing that you are earnest about fixing it.