Vicki Anderson

The Today Show has been running a series of stories this week on civility in our culture and whether it is completely dead or just sleeping. They pointed out the pervasion of mean, riotous behavior and foul language in the reality shows, movies, and other media. It has become so common place that it appears acceptable. But is it really?

I wonder if we aren’t getting so fed up with all of the negative nasty behavior and the consequences such as the young people who have committed suicide from being bullied. Kids have always teased each other, but today they can be more ugly about it than ever including putting things on the internet to embarrass someone publicly and viciously. As more parents are standing up to object to the bullying and as more people are pushing for political correctness in the way we talk to and about others, I think this is a move toward greater civility.

The key to success in turning around the negative cycle into which we have entered is to refocus on the proper way to treat others. In recent years we have heard more about the “platinum rule” which says to treat others as they would want to be treated. This takes into consideration different cultures and individual feelings. However, I do think there are standards of manners that are universal that should be taught and reinforced for every child and adult.

What ever happened to please and thank you? When was the last time you thanked someone for bringing your food to your table or for giving you the change correctly with a smile or handing you the food through the window efficiently? Think of all the rude people they have to deal with daily and how much nicer they might be if their customers appreciated their service. When you encounter someone who serves you with a smile, do you return it?

Do you open the door for someone or hold the door for the person behind you? Then do you say thank you to the person who did it for you?

As a leader, when was the last time you thanked your employees sincerely for doing their work? People are more likely to work harder for someone who appreciates it. And as a parent, what kind of a model are you setting for your children? What manners are they learning from you by watching you every day?

I don’t care what you see around you. You can take the high road and have civility start with you. If you are a person in a leadership role, you can expect it from those around you. If you are a parent, you should expect it from your children. And have consequences if you don’t see it or hear it. If we are really sick of this uncivil trend, it is up to us to change it. Look in the mirror. It starts with you.

I was preparing a presentation for a client on professionalism and as I was doing research and thinking about what it means to act like a professional, the subject of manners came up. I don’t think it’s old fashioned to use good basic manners such as opening or holding the door for someone else, offering to give up your seat to someone who needs it more than you, offering to help someone who is struggling to carry something, removing your hat indoors, saying please and thank you, keeping your voice down not to bother others, etc.

I see a lot of basic courtesy where I live, but I also see the lack of it. I hope basic courtesy is not out the window these days. Unfortunately, some people have not been taught basic courtesy, so they aren’t accustomed to it. It is too bad if we have let our standards go down so far as to think that kindness, thoughtfulness, and courtesy to others is unnecessary today.

My mother-in-law has told me countless times about how they didn’t take children everywhere like they do now. We learned that to go out was special so we had to use our special manners. Today families eat out regularly and go to all sorts of public places. I don’t think it is old fashioned to expect people to learn and use courtesy in these public places. It will not only prepare children for adult manners they will be expected to use in business, but it will also be a kinder, gentler world in which to live.