Vicki Anderson

Who’s got your back? Who’s holding your hand as you walk a new path? Who is challenging you to go where you are afraid to go by yourself? Who is your Bob or Jillian? As a consultant and coach, I am a support to my clients who want to discuss ideas, I provide feedback, and I support them as they try new things. I sometimes teach when they want or need new information.

While I don’t scream at my clients like Bob and Jillian do on “Biggest Loser” I do help my clients pull back the screen and be honest with themselves. So often we want to be different. We want to try something new, but we have deluded ourselves with our own story so long that we believe it is the only truth for us. Sometimes having an outside person can help you get perspective.

This morning as I was doing exercises on my Wii Fit I tried a couple new exercises that I couldn’t do very well. What I like about the Wii is that it gives you some feedback. It’s not always that accurate if you aren’t really trying because it can only measure certain movement. However, it does give you a sense of your fitness level if you are doing it right. And, you can do it in the privacy of your home without being embarrassed.

The feedback is the biggest part of support, I think, because having someone or something outside yourself give you a reality check helps you move toward your goal. It provides accountability. If you are really trying to make changes, you need some kind of support. Ask a friend, a colleague, a family member, or an outside expert to meet with you regularly to discuss your progress and your practice. Keep track by writing it down. Document what you did to get you where you are and what you plan to do next. Before you know it, you’ll arrive at your goal and you’ll have someone to celebrate with.

Do you have difficulty working with a coworker or your boss or even a customer? Have you ever put off talking to someone about a problem and hoped it would get better by itself? Well, unfortunately, there’s no fairy godmother and problems like this rarely rectify themselves.

The one tip I can give you is not to procrastinate saying something. It is much easier to talk about a problem when there is little emotion to it. Once you have worked yourself up about it and are really upset, it is very hard to talk in a calm voice and use words that will keep others from getting defensive. Besides, isn’t it embarrassing for someone to tell you that you have been doing something wrong for a while and they let you keep doing it because they didn’t know how to tell you? No wonder people get defensive. Say something as soon as you know about it.

I like to think of feedback as “useful information” so if someone has a problem with something I am doing, I would want “useful information” to change it. However, if you just have a different way of doing things, or you don’t like the color of my hair or the way I hold my pencil, then keep it to yourself. I would, of course, get defensive because that would be personal and it would be hard for me to see it as “useful information.”

If you will keep the conversation focused on what the other person is doing or saying that needs to change, it is much easier for them to see it as useful information. For example, “When you were helping that customer, I saw you roll your eyes when she was trying to show you what was wrong with the dress that she was returning. How do you think that made her feel?” You see, we are talking about something specific the person did that you saw. You can then discuss the importance of using good body language that communicates you care about the customer. And, the conversation should happen soon after the occurrence, not two weeks later.

An important part of a leader’s job is coaching, which means giving feedback to help people know what they are doing right and what they should improve. Never procrastinate the postive or the negative. Lack of either one limits growth.

I am appalled to hear about the latest victim of workplace bullying in Virginia where a man committed suicide because of a bullying boss. What is so crazy to me is that his coworkers knew about it and were saddened by it, but it took too long for the administration to do anything about it. The man made 17 calls to administration in the week leading up to the suicide. We do not know what action the administration planned to take, just that it is too late.

The problem with this situation is that it not only affects the person being bullied, but the coworkers as well. It is painful to watch it happening to someone else, wondering if it will happen to you. The tension can be enormous. You want the other person to speak up, but they are often so fearful of losing their job that they just try to measure up the best they can and take it. Unfortunately, this is usually about power, not performance, and unless someone else steps in or the person being bullied steps up, the bullying will not stop.

The tension created in these situations usually results in less performance overall because people are operating out of fear instead of working for continuous improvement and customer satisfaction. Organizations that take care of employees first know that the employee will in turn take care of the customer, which will take care of the business.

Be ever vigilant for people who use their position to wield their power. The successful leaders know that it is the people they help to succeed who will make them look good. In order to do that, you must coach, teach, and grow your staff. This is not possible if you are driving them with a whip. Scared people don’t grow and they don’t look out for anyone but themselves.

Using consistent consequences takes a lot of effort on the part of a supervisor, but it pays big dividends in fewer disciplinary issues. People know their responsibility and what will happen if they decide not to live up to it. It is always advisable to set the stage correctly upfront by clearly communicating your expectations for their performance. Remember that not everyone has the same standards as you or the same priorities in the way they look at their work. If you want them to be on the same page as you, you have to tell them what your standards and priorities are. Here’s a sample approach to a common problem—employees leaving the breakroom a mess.

Have an employee meeting and ask for their help in keeping the breakroom clean. Impress to them that you are happy to provide this common space for their use, especially if you use it too. Since it is for the use of all, it is the responsibility of everyone to be good neighbors and help keep it clean. You expect people to throw away their trash and wipe up any messes they make. You will provide general cleaning service to help maintain the overall cleanliness. Let them know that if they choose not to be a good neighbor by leaving their food and trash lying around creating unsanitary conditions for others, you will remind them of their responsibility once. If you have to talk with them about it a second time, you will assume they have chosen not to live up to their responsibility for using the breakroom and are barred from using it again. Don’t make everyone suffer for the poor choices of a few. Ask people to help each other by politely encouraging each other to keep their area clean.

You may tell anyone who has been barred that they can be reinstated if they come to you and tell you what they will do to earn your trust again and use the facility appropriately. In other words, say that they are willing to take responsibility for their actions and understand the consequences.

Let’s be perfectly clear that threats are not appropriate when talking about consequences. I believe in giving people choices up front. When you tell people clearly what you expect from their performance, express your confidence in their ability to succeed and your willingness to provide resources to help them. Where it is appropriate, let them know what could happen if they don’t succeed. Consequences should start with follow up conversations to determine root causes for failures or lapses in judgment.

Supervisors play a key role in helping people make good choices in their behaviors, so use consequences wisely and consistently for consistent performance results.

I have been reading all the stories and comments running around about the upcoming changes for The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien and Jay Leno’s prime time cancellation. One common point brought out was that both men were put into different spots and their styles didn’t translate well enough to garner the audiences they had in their previous time slots.

I think this is often typical of personnel moves in all fields. You take an outstanding salesperson and make her a sales manager. She knows how to sell and has great people skills, but she doesn’t have leadership skills for coaching, delegating, and planning. She knows how to do, but not how to lead. The skills that made her successful in her previous slot won’t make her successful in her new slot.

Even though the new person wants the new role, there are new expectations that are not often communicated or coached, so when the failure occurs, senior management shakes its head and says, “It’s too bad. They had so much potential.”

Where is the coaching, the mentoring, and the support to make the person translate to the new role successfully? Has the new person been open to the coaching of others or has ego in their new role shut down that opportunity? I don’t know how much of this happened to Jay Leno or Conan O’Brien, but it is sad to see two successful comedians, each with a following and confidence from NBC, turn their new shows into ratings losses and hurt their reputations as well as NBC.