Vicki Anderson

I just read an article this morning that the New York state assembly is considering a law against workplace bullying. What makes me mad is that we need one!

In my years of work in human resources and consulting with management, it never fails to amaze me that workplace bullies get away with it. They are often people who have some special knowledge that the boss doesn’t think he can do without, so he doesn’t want to take any risk of losing him. Or, the bully has a protector in a power position. Therefore, there are no repercussions for the bad management. Instead, they lose good employees who refuse to put up with their shenanigans. Unfortunately, today many people are stuck because there aren’t many other job options for them to jump to.

The employers don’t want to have this law because they think it will keep them from holding employees accountable. However, I think there is a definite difference between being clear to employees about what standard of performance you want and bullying. There are, of course, employees who will abuse the system and put forth trivial suits that will cost money on both sides, but if you are doing your management right, this should be minimized.

Just as unions came about because people needed to be protected against bad management practices, now someone feels we need another law to protect people against bad management. It is just another example of lack of job ownership. Managers often talk about the need for employees to own their job and take initiative. I think it’s time that managers take ownership of their jobs and start training, coaching, and reinforcing good management skills. It is just dumb business to let good employees work under bullying bosses.

If someone were to tell you that your tire was going flat or that you had just dropped something from your bag, you would be appreciative of the information. Yet, when someone tells you about a mistake made in your work that wall of defensiveness goes up, the excuses start to roll and emotion kicks in to justify ourselves. Why is it that what we do and who we are is so intensely connected that it is difficult to hear any constructive feedback?

I see feedback as useful information and the key word is “useful.” If the person you are giving feedback to would not be able to see the information as useful, then you should keep it to yourself. If it is indeed useful, then you should tell them in a way that would sound useful. That means no accusing, blaming, or condescending tone of voice or aggressive body language.

For feedback to be useful, it needs to have an element of helpfulness or good intentions. We all want to be free from error, but let’s face it. We are humanly fallible. We do not know everything and cannot do everything without any error. Therefore, we should expect to hear about corrections needed. If we want to receive useful information, I think you have to be open to it. Many people will not give others feedback because they are afraid of how it is received so they are awkward in how to give it.

I so often hear people ask for the truth, but when they get it they act like they don’t want it. They look for an ulterior motive or excuse not to believe it. Perhaps if we were truly open to the truth, people would be willing to give it to us. And, we might learn something.

What happens after a mistake differentiates the people developers from the people limiters. I have always learned that after an accident, a mistake, or a failure of any kind, you ask three questions: 1) What happened? 2) Why did it happen? and 3) How can we keep it from happening again?

There is no “Who did it?” in those three questions. Of course, “who did it” is part of the “what happened” but the focus is on the situation, issue, or behavior, not the person. The assumption is that people don’t make mistakes on purpose. They more likely make mistakes because they were distracted, in a hurry, didn’t think a certain step in a process was necessary, or because they have always done it that way and no mistake ever happened before.

As humans, we all make mistakes, but the higher the cost of the mistake, the more we have a tendency to blame. However, as leaders we have the capability to help people learn from them so they don’t repeat those mistakes. The more that you talk about the three questions above, the less likely people are going to hide mistakes and the more likely you will get to the root cause of the problem to solve it.

Make sure that blame doesn’t come through in your voice tone even though you may be measuring your words. Your body language and voice tone convey much more than the words you use. If you tend to be one who gets emotional easily, perhaps you can learn to do a “slow blink” as a former colleague used to say. Stop and think before you react to the information just presented. It might keep you from having to go back and apologize later for overreacting.

If you are going to lead, you must learn to really solve problems because blaming is only surface problem solving. It does not keep it from happening again. It only tends to make the person hide problems until caught, which exacerbates the issue. If you are going to be a people developer you must make it safe for people to report problems so they can be fixed. Involve them in the process and help them learn for themselves.

Throughout history our fathers have worked to provide us a better place to grow up and live our lives than they had. I’m not sure we are going there today. It feels like we are stalled and going backward. Perhaps it is just a time of change when we are making a paradigm shift of what a better place looks like.

There are so many problems in the world that it is easy to think we are going backward by providing a worse place for our children. I don’t have a crystal ball, so unfortunately I don’t know whether what is taking place today will turn out to be better or worse. It depends on your vantage point.

The innovators of tomorrow often come from the necessities of today. They develop things we don’t know we will need, but will find we can’t do without. I wonder what will be developed because of the oil spill that will make this a better place. I wonder what will be developed as a result of the housing market crash that will make it a better place to live. I wonder what will be developed as a result of all the obesity that will enable us to live healthier lives.

Out of the ashes comes the phoenix to renew and rebuild. If we keep an eye out, we may see it, but I hope we recognize it and don’t shoot it thinking it is one more unnecessary spot on the horizon. It seems we are all too eager to find that easy fix in hopes of finding the better place.

I’m sure the CEO of BP has thoroughly regretted his offhand frustrated comment about how he’d like his life back. When you are in a leadership position and especially in the media, it is unfortunate, but you really have to watch what you say. When you are in management, what you say gets attributed to the company. You no longer have the luxury of being able to say something offhandly candid, off color, or snide. You really should watch it wherever you are because you never know who is listening.

A good rule of thumb is to think about whether you would want your words on the front page of the New York Times (because they could be), the lead story on CNN, or would you say them in front of your minister, your children, or your mother. Reticence is the better part of valor when it comes to tense situations.

Unfortunately, we are also human and when someone presses you constantly as the media tends to do, you say things under duress that given a chance to think about it, you wouldn’t say. I once did a training session for senior managers of a delivery company and we set up a situation where a truck containing hazardous materials had turned over and some media people just happened to be in the area and got to the scene quickly. It was very interesting to see how the managers in charge handled the simulated pressure. If you haven’t ever had any kind of disaster drill at your work, it would be good to set up one. What would you say if xxx happened there? Being a good leader means thinking ahead. BP has learned this the hard way. Don’t make the same mistake.