Vicki Anderson

I was listening to Michael Eisner this morning on the Today Show talk about the importance of partnering as a promotion for his new book. I totally agree that you don’t get very far without a partner. He was saying that in kindergarten we are taught to share, but as we get older, it’s all about individualism. And, yet, every successful person has had someone who helped them in some way.

Whether it is your spouse, a business partner, or a study buddy, having someone else to share ideas with and share the load, makes the road easier to travel. No one person can know it all or do it all. And, yet, I often see people who surround themselves with people who are just like them instead of looking for the opposite. It’s the yin and yang. If you are outgoing and a big picture thinker, you would probably benefit from having a partner who is quieter and looks at the details. Good partners pick up where you lack. Even though it may be aggravating to have people who look at things differently, it’s the difference that makes the whole.

I recently had an interview with a potential client that I would be working with through a partnership with another group of trainers. They asked me how I manage my own business while partnering with another business to serve clients. I told them that I have really enjoyed partnering with other professionals. I don’t see it as a conflict at all. The clients clearly know that I have my own business, but while I am working with them on that project, I am working on behalf of the professional who has contracted with me to partner on the project. I don’t feel it makes my business less. It adds to my business projects that I wouldn’t otherwise have. It lets me serve people I wouldn’t otherwise meet.

I encourage people to find good partners. Students can partner with other students or with teachers or with other parents, even. Business people can look for partners in their own organization or in their community or on line. When you open yourself up to partnering with someone, you have to be willing to help the partner as well as be helped. Open your mind to thinking about things in different ways. Look for the strengths in each person and capitalize on those strengths instead of focusing on the other person’s weaknesses. See what those strengths offer to you.

Partnerships often start when you are placed in close proximity to another person because of a project, work or living arrangement. Something starts to click and you realize you are better together than you are apart. I think the most successful people are open to these relationships so they happen more often to them. They realize they are not less because they share the load, they become more.

Do you have difficulty working with a coworker or your boss or even a customer? Have you ever put off talking to someone about a problem and hoped it would get better by itself? Well, unfortunately, there’s no fairy godmother and problems like this rarely rectify themselves.

The one tip I can give you is not to procrastinate saying something. It is much easier to talk about a problem when there is little emotion to it. Once you have worked yourself up about it and are really upset, it is very hard to talk in a calm voice and use words that will keep others from getting defensive. Besides, isn’t it embarrassing for someone to tell you that you have been doing something wrong for a while and they let you keep doing it because they didn’t know how to tell you? No wonder people get defensive. Say something as soon as you know about it.

I like to think of feedback as “useful information” so if someone has a problem with something I am doing, I would want “useful information” to change it. However, if you just have a different way of doing things, or you don’t like the color of my hair or the way I hold my pencil, then keep it to yourself. I would, of course, get defensive because that would be personal and it would be hard for me to see it as “useful information.”

If you will keep the conversation focused on what the other person is doing or saying that needs to change, it is much easier for them to see it as useful information. For example, “When you were helping that customer, I saw you roll your eyes when she was trying to show you what was wrong with the dress that she was returning. How do you think that made her feel?” You see, we are talking about something specific the person did that you saw. You can then discuss the importance of using good body language that communicates you care about the customer. And, the conversation should happen soon after the occurrence, not two weeks later.

An important part of a leader’s job is coaching, which means giving feedback to help people know what they are doing right and what they should improve. Never procrastinate the postive or the negative. Lack of either one limits growth.

If you want involvement at work, at home, at school, at church, etc. it begins with you, especially if you are in charge. Pay attention to the little things. It’s the little things that add up to something major.

For instance, if you want people to keep their work areas clean, what does your work area look like? If you have piles and piles on your desk and on the floor with food wrappers from lunch still sitting by your computer, it’s not much of an example. What about when you walk down the aisles? Do you ever stop to pick up something on the floor? Are you on the lookout for things out of place so you can right it? Or, are you on the lookout so you can tell someone else to do it? It’s the difference between being the cop or being part of the team. I have a small manufacturing client that has rotating tasks for everyone in the office to make sure the grounds just outside the front door are picked up, emptying trash, and a myriad of other things. Everyone including the owner is assigned something for a period of time so they know how much easier it would be if things were kept clean at the source. The pride in the way their business looks to visitors and themselves is very evident.

If you want to be approachable and someone who people can bring ideas to, then spend some time with people doing the little things. Make sure you are not too good to have lunch in the employee lunch room or stop to pick up a piece of trash that has missed the wastebasket. Take time to ask about that little league game or dance recital or hunting trip that your employee is involved in. You’d be amazed at the results you’ll get when you ask for helpers and they see you show up as well.

I am appalled to hear about the latest victim of workplace bullying in Virginia where a man committed suicide because of a bullying boss. What is so crazy to me is that his coworkers knew about it and were saddened by it, but it took too long for the administration to do anything about it. The man made 17 calls to administration in the week leading up to the suicide. We do not know what action the administration planned to take, just that it is too late.

The problem with this situation is that it not only affects the person being bullied, but the coworkers as well. It is painful to watch it happening to someone else, wondering if it will happen to you. The tension can be enormous. You want the other person to speak up, but they are often so fearful of losing their job that they just try to measure up the best they can and take it. Unfortunately, this is usually about power, not performance, and unless someone else steps in or the person being bullied steps up, the bullying will not stop.

The tension created in these situations usually results in less performance overall because people are operating out of fear instead of working for continuous improvement and customer satisfaction. Organizations that take care of employees first know that the employee will in turn take care of the customer, which will take care of the business.

Be ever vigilant for people who use their position to wield their power. The successful leaders know that it is the people they help to succeed who will make them look good. In order to do that, you must coach, teach, and grow your staff. This is not possible if you are driving them with a whip. Scared people don’t grow and they don’t look out for anyone but themselves.

I am a big fan of the Crucial Conversations and Crucial Confrontations books that help people talk in situations that are emotional, yet have high consequences. One of the lessons I have learned that I was reminded of lately is the way we often play the victim. We love to complain about the other person and what they are doing to us. For many reasons we feel we are justified in complaining because we feel we have no alternative to change the situation.

We are afraid to address performance problems of employees or difficult bosses who treat us unfairly. However, the content in the books provides great alternatives for addressing problems in ways that reduce defensiveness on both sides. As the problem escalates without being properly addressed, it is easy to put all the blame on the other person, but I want to stop you right there. Have you really thought about your part in the situation?

Did you go along with the behavior and fail to say it was unacceptable? We often let something slide once or twice thinking it was an anomaly and it will rectify itself. However, when it happens again and again, we now get more irritated and don’t know how to bring up the subject without getting emotional ourselves. I think the key is identifying that we had a part in the problem. If you observe inappropriate behavior or are the object of inappropriate behavior, it is important to say so. As a leader, this is very important if you want to have good performance from your employees. Don’t wait until the problem has happened three or four times before you say something. If you mention it the first time or two it becomes information, but by the third or fourth time, it becomes accusation, blaming, and defensiveness.

Think about it. If someone tells you about something you did wrong after you have done it that way for a period of time, wouldn’t you be embarrassed? Why didn’t they say something before?

If someone is mistreating you, own the fact that that you have been part of the problem by not speaking up previously. You could say that you didn’t know how to handle it before or that you would like to discuss what you would like to see in the future. The other person may or may not be as agreeable as you would like, but face it. You have had more time to think about it. Give them some time if it appears to be causing the other person difficulty. Set a time to get back to discuss it again. Just because the other person gets emotional does not mean it didn’t work. It’s just their immediate response. Refrain from throwing down the gauntlet and issuing ultimatums. Recognize your part and realize that in any relationship, it takes two.