Vicki Anderson

During my working years I have had the good fortune (or misfortune) to work for some very demanding and difficult bosses. I have had people ask me how I could stand to work for them. However, I had a pretty good relationship with all of them.  As I consult with leaders and their staffs, I have often heard people frustrated with their bosses but they don’t think they can do anything about it.

I think a key ingredient in your career success is managing the boss’s expectations of you. If you think you are working hard, but are not doing what the boss thinks is important, you are wasting your time. Your boss may be wrong but she/he is the boss. It is very important that you are clear about what your boss wants from you and when. Make sure you know outcomes desired and their priorities. Also, make sure you know what types of things they need to know and what types of things they want to approve.

As a leader, it would be good for us to give these things to our staffs automatically, but the truth is that in the fast pace of every business today, we don’t always take time to give as much direction as we should. Therefore, it becomes incumbent upon the employee to ask questions for clarification and communicate status on projects before the boss has to ask.

I think the reason I got along well with my difficult and demanding bosses was because I figured out what was important to them and made sure they got it when they wanted it. If I disagreed, I had an alternative solution. If I made a decision without them that might have been controversial, I alerted them as soon as possible so they didn’t hear it from someone else, and I owned up to my mistakes and their remedy quickly. I think it is not only possible to manage the boss, but imperative if you want to move ahead in your career.

A lot of trust is based on integrity and reliability. People want to know you will do what you say you will do. I think we usually intend to do what we say we will do, but sometimes things come up that we didn’t expect, or it is more difficult, or whatever. The key thing in maintaining trust is to let someone know the change in outcome as soon as possible. Whenever someone can’t deliver on what they promised, we expect a call or an email or something to tell us there may be a delay or that it can’t be done. Most people will forgive you if you just let them know ahead of time to change their expectations. That gives people enough time to alter their plans if possible. However, when we expect something that doesn’t happen and it feels like the other person blew us off, we lose trust with that person for the next time. I think we expect reliability but we are willing to be flexible, albeit more flexible on some things than others, if the other person gives us the courtesy of letting us know and apologizing before, not after.

Lately I’ve been talking with several of my clients about how to have difficult conversations with others. It seems that conflict is something we just can’t get away from. As soon as two people get together, there is the possibility of conflict. That’s not bad. What’s bad is not knowing how to discuss the difference of opinion without either person feeling defensive or hurt.

I have been using the two books, Crucial Conversations and Crucial Confrontations, both authored by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler. I have found they provide some good models for talking productively. A key ingredient that is contained in both books is creating safety first. Whenever the stakes are high in the relationship or the topic is emotional, you have to create safety so the other person doesn’t have to raise his defenses. The goal is to get into open dialog. I think the models are pretty practical and I highly recommend them if you want to improve your skills in this area.