Vicki Anderson

It’s no wonder that communications is still the number one issue in business environments today. (This is my unofficial survey result based on experience with my clients and friends.) If you ask anyone, they will say there is a problem with communication in their workplace, home, church, school, etc.

Just take a look around and you will see that it has less to do with language and more to do with how you happen to perceive the situation at hand. While you may not perceive the situation to be worthy of much communication, there is always someone else who needs way more than you are giving. And vice versa. You may need more than someone is giving you. Plus, it is not just the amount of communication, but what you need or want to know.

It depends on how you are involved and what stake you have in the situation. It is easy to look at the needs of the situation from your standpoint, but if you really want to be known as a good communicator, take time to evaluate other vantage points. Listen to others and involve them in decisions where possible. It is amazing how smart you will be perceived to be when you have become a good listener to other perceptions than your own. And how much less stress you will experience from communication aftershocks!

I’m so tired of hearing leaders say one thing and do another. I often want to ask them, “Do you really believe what you are saying?” Although we always hope someone is truthful, we have become skeptical listeners.

How many times have we heard politicians, sports figures, executives, and others vehemently deny something that has come out in the media, only to confess meekly that it is true some time later. Whatever happened to integrity? Whatever happened to owning up to what you did and taking your lumps? It always seemed to me that the punishment was never nearly as bad as the anticipation of it was. People are pretty forgiving, they just don’t like lying.

How many times have we heard people come right out and say the truth even if it is hard to hear? Not very often. It’s no wonder that trust is so difficult to cultivate in the workplace. Employees fear they are being lied to and wait to see if what managers say is really true. They watch not only what you say but what you do. If you want employees to engage and contribute honestly to your workplace, be honest. Be consistently truthful even when it’s hard. The result is strength, loyalty and caring–the results of integrity.

I have been reading all the stories and comments running around about the upcoming changes for The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien and Jay Leno’s prime time cancellation. One common point brought out was that both men were put into different spots and their styles didn’t translate well enough to garner the audiences they had in their previous time slots.

I think this is often typical of personnel moves in all fields. You take an outstanding salesperson and make her a sales manager. She knows how to sell and has great people skills, but she doesn’t have leadership skills for coaching, delegating, and planning. She knows how to do, but not how to lead. The skills that made her successful in her previous slot won’t make her successful in her new slot.

Even though the new person wants the new role, there are new expectations that are not often communicated or coached, so when the failure occurs, senior management shakes its head and says, “It’s too bad. They had so much potential.”

Where is the coaching, the mentoring, and the support to make the person translate to the new role successfully? Has the new person been open to the coaching of others or has ego in their new role shut down that opportunity? I don’t know how much of this happened to Jay Leno or Conan O’Brien, but it is sad to see two successful comedians, each with a following and confidence from NBC, turn their new shows into ratings losses and hurt their reputations as well as NBC.

The first competency in Goleman’s emotional intelligence book Primal Leadership is Self-Awareness. This means you are aware of your own emotions and what causes them. It means having a realistic self-assessment of your own strengths and limitations.

This sounds easier than it often is. We almost always have a blindspot when it comes to ourselves. It is sometimes hard to be fully aware of what is really causing our anger, frustration, or loss of confidence. We kid ourselves into thinking it is someone else’s fault or someone else “made us feel…”

I have many times seen leaders who do not realize their role in how others respond to them. While blaming others they have failed to look in the mirror to ask what they could do differently to get a different response. As Dr. Phil is often quoted, “How’s that working for you?”

I have been doing a lot of work with my coaching clients lately around holding people accountable. We have been using the book Crucial Confrontations–Tools for resolving broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior. In the book they discuss how to handle the recurring issues that make it seem like the movie, Groundhog Day. You feel like you keep having the same conversations over and over.

I really like the approach the authors take, which is that once you have had the conversation a couple times and the behavior doesn’t change even though the person promised they would, it is time to have a different conversation. The real issue becomes a lack of trust. “You said you would do X and you didn’t.” As the lack of trust grows, the relationship falters and it is difficult to work or live together.

It all goes back to setting good expectations and following up. Don’t let people use “something came up” as an all purpose excuse. Make sure that they know if something looks like it will prevent them from accomplishing what they said they would do, you want to know as soon as possible. Then you can make alternate plans if necessary instead of having the “you did it again” discussion.

I think this could be one of the most valuable tools in a leader’s toolbox.