Vicki Anderson

I recently witnessed a leader who had bottled up their feelings about a topic until it burst out in a tirade that was painful to watch. It made the leader look bad and just made everyone uncomfortable, not knowing what to do or say. Have you ever witnessed one of these?

It just goes to prove what I have always said, and that is to deal with issues as they arise. Don’t bottle it up. What this leader had to say was right on, but the words were preachy because there was so much emotion tied to them. It seemed that it was spontaneous as well, which is another recipe for disaster.

Whether you are addressing an issue with one or a roomful, it pays to think about what you want to say so that you can be tactful, professional, and address only the issue, not blame the person. Once people feel they have been damaged, their response will be to put up their defenses. When that happens, they are not listening; they are only figuring out how to flee or fight back.

Being tactful and professional is not very easy when you are in an emotional state, which is why you should always address issues before they get you into that state. It is much easier to talk about an issue calmly when it has just happened. Be specific about what you saw/heard and want changed. Then be quiet and allow the other person to respond. It is less likely they will get defensive when you are specific and timely. It is very embarrassing to think you have been doing something that irritated another or made repeated mistakes but no one has said anything until much later. You thought you were just fine. So, find a time to discuss it very soon after the occurrence of the problem.

Finally, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Why would a reasonable person do what the other person is doing? It is easier to talk calmly when you try to see the other side and you will get a better reception for your thoughts.