Vicki Anderson

If someone were to tell you that your tire was going flat or that you had just dropped something from your bag, you would be appreciative of the information. Yet, when someone tells you about a mistake made in your work that wall of defensiveness goes up, the excuses start to roll and emotion kicks in to justify ourselves. Why is it that what we do and who we are is so intensely connected that it is difficult to hear any constructive feedback?

I see feedback as useful information and the key word is “useful.” If the person you are giving feedback to would not be able to see the information as useful, then you should keep it to yourself. If it is indeed useful, then you should tell them in a way that would sound useful. That means no accusing, blaming, or condescending tone of voice or aggressive body language.

For feedback to be useful, it needs to have an element of helpfulness or good intentions. We all want to be free from error, but let’s face it. We are humanly fallible. We do not know everything and cannot do everything without any error. Therefore, we should expect to hear about corrections needed. If we want to receive useful information, I think you have to be open to it. Many people will not give others feedback because they are afraid of how it is received so they are awkward in how to give it.

I so often hear people ask for the truth, but when they get it they act like they don’t want it. They look for an ulterior motive or excuse not to believe it. Perhaps if we were truly open to the truth, people would be willing to give it to us. And, we might learn something.